A SPECIFIC PROTEST

I hate to admit this, but I was a smoker for many eons. Don't scream in horror; I've been tobacco-free for nearly 20 years. At one time smoking was a common habit, socially accepted, and relatively inexpensive. Eventually, modern science said it was time for a change. Illnesses such as cancer, emphysema, and heart disease got a big boost from tobacco usage. In simple terms, quashing the cigarette craving was the single hardest challenge I have ever faced. After numerous false starts, I finally went cold turkey as they say. To satisfy the oral fixation, I sucked on hundreds of different hard candies. Stock in Pearson's Coffee Nips rose five points during one of the tougher periods. But I finally triumphed and made it stick. Yet life is replete with obstacles. I now find myself faced with a new battle.


Today marks number 19. Yes, I know it seems beyond belief, but another "X" found its way on the calendar. I finally decided to boycott ESPN (full name: Entertainment and Sports Programming Network). I suppose it was inevitable, but it shouldn't be necessary. After all, what would my life be without televised sports? I'm happy to report no behavior changes to this point, far more selectivity in my viewing habits, and a drop in blood pressure from a reduction in stress-causing activity. I do understand the gravity of this decision, and the possible consequences, but the severing of ties has become more than necessary. Why? I'll do my best to explain.

In 1979 the world as we know it was much different -- no PCs (or Macs), no DVDs, no cell phones, and no venue for national sports coverage. I didn't know what I was missing with the technology, but I soaked up every newspaper and local TV sports report available to cover my void of information. Then, as if by magic, as if I invented it for myself, came the arrival of the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network! The world was finally saved, at least my part of it. Hard to imagine now because of ESPN's grip on the viewing sports public, but at that time the network was so new, so different, so far in front of the parade that I worried about its staying power. Then, as now, it hit the TV screens 24 hours a day. The much-venerated Sportscenter was always prevalent, and the remainder of the programming exhausted all avenues. When insomnia came to visit, the 2:00 a.m. Australian Rules Football became my faithful companion.It didn't matter. For the first time, sports news moved beyond a newspaper section and requisite three-minute report at 11:00 p.m. What we see now is space age compared to the early years. I savored it all -- the young and enthusiastic anchors, nationwide highlights, live college football and basketball coverage, and everything associated with its development. The rapid growth, lack of meaningful competition, and a corporate marriage with ABC have gradually eroded the gee whiz freshness of its beginnings. I have finally reached my boiling point.

I know I'm being selfish. I had always thought ESPN left out two letters in the acronym that translated to Entertainment and Sports Network For Mac, But that would be a bit awkward. After a 29+ year evolution process, the current version leaves the educated sports fan lamenting the past. The network saturates the market. You can watch ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN Classic, ESPNU, ESPN Deportes, and probably three or four additional ESPN's I haven't yet discovered. Baked, broiled, sauteed, poached, grilled, steamed, or deep-fried -- nothing left to viewer chance. There's an old saying that applies to any skill-dominated activity, "Repetition equals success." With this operation the end result is just the opposite. Every daily program is aired live, re-aired, re-aired again, and the re-aired version is re-aired. Case in point: Brett Favre. No sports story in recent memory has been so heavily scrutinized and dissected. I realize he dominates the quarterback position, but each day the viewers are privy to whether Brett had Wheaties or Cheerios at breakfast, how many gallons of gas he purchased on his return from running errands, and which secret phone call he made to which secret team, clandestinely seeking his services. If you watch the 7:00 a.m Sportscenter and missed a segment, fear not. It will restart every hour until noon.

A myriad of nameless, faceless anchors and reporters, an endless stream of meaningless statistics ("That was a National League record for most runs scored in one game by a second baseman with green eyes and a mustache.") inane poll questions ("Who do you think will win the 2011 Super Bowl?"), and a constant drumbeat of worshipful plaudits to undeserving participants. The capper was last year when one play-by-play man, who shall remain anonymous, suggested that Dodgers' second baseman Jeff Kent may be the best who ever played the position. Kent is obviously a talented player with solid career statistics, but the best who ever played the position? Whoa there. I won't belabor the silliness, but every player is great, every game is the best, and no well-known sports cliche ever escapes usage on any telecast. Toss in the bloated over-promotion of events such as the ESPYs (their version of a self-created sports Oscar), and the finished recipe has plenty of color and crunch, but a dreadful lack of seasoning.

My insomnia cure has changed with the times. I've gone cold turkey once again. I now turn to the Encore Westerns channel. THE RIFLEMAN episodes at 2:00 a.m. are a bit more predictable than Aussie Rules Football and they never leave an aftertaste.

The countdown continues.

MM