BETTER LATE THAN....

One of my favorite pieces of writing is a column by Rick Reilly from the Dec. 19, 2000 edition of Sports Illustrated. Titled "The Thought That Counts," the piece is quite clever, going on at length about what to give his long-suffering, highly supportive wife for Christmas. The first 700 plus words described gift possibilities for and sterling examples of her wifely understanding and general goodness. The last sentence read, "So what do you give your best friend...?(etc) --THIS (referring to the column itself). It must not have struck a sentimental chord, because they were divorced a couple of years later. However, I find myself with a faintly similar conundrum.

I may be the world's worst at remembering important dates, especially birthdays. I've actually forgotten my own on more than one occasion (highly embarrassing). I sometimes remember my brother's, have no clue as to my niece and nephew's marking dates, and draw a complete blank on any close friends' b-days. The one I'm zeroing in on is the one that makes me feel most discomfited, my sister-in-law. For all our Irish sentimentality, tears at any movies, and loyalty to each other, we've never been a family that communicates our feelings with much candor. Hard to explain because none of us are shy. But this time I'm going to try my best.

I'm fairly sure her birthday is in the immediate vicinity, sometime between the 3rd and the 10th of September. The only reason I know that is because my brother's is definitely on the 22nd (that's another story), and her's is in the same month. Yet I babble on about numbers and dates -- not my intent here. She's been married to my brother for over 30 years, that's reason enough for praise. He is one of the world's characters, and just a bit eccentric in some respects. I'm sure he would tell you his life would be 99% less complete if she had said no to his proposal. Throughout their years of bliss, she has raised three wonderful children: two of her own as well as my brother. She's one of those rare people able to support, sacrifice, and love with equal fervor. There have been good days and bad, but she has always been front and center, offering comfort, advice, kindness, and the occasional admonishment. If there was a Wife and Mother Hall of Fame, she would be an automatic first ballot selection.

An overused, yet understood (by me anyway) saying these days is that a certain person, object, movie etc. is OLD SCHOOL. From my standpoint, the statement indicates a positive emanating from the past. My sister-in-law definitely earns that description. I've never told her this, but she reminds me greatly of my mother in that she fits with comfort and pride in any formal or social setting. My brother's friends are her friends. My brother's athletes and students (he teaches and coaches at the high school level) are her athletes and students. During the holidays numerous people stop by the house to say hello, dispense season's greetings, and renew acquaintances. She is a major reason why, making everyone feel at ease.

A number of years ago, my father passed away. I was working in the Bay Area as I still do, and spent about a week with my brother going through details, funeral arrangements, etc. I was forced to leave due to job responsibilities following the funeral, but my brother and sister-in-law stayed and sorted everything out. If it had been left up to me or him alone, it never would have been finished correctly. She was the catalyst. When my brother and his son had communication difficulties during the lad's senior year in high school, she was the one who maintained the buffer zone and kept the family solidified. I could mention about 20 additional instances where her intelligence and good sense overcame the familial temptation to err with compulsive reactions to obstacles.

She may not remember this, but several years ago, I attended a 40-year grammar school reunion in Seattle. I was profoundly affected by the event, seeing numerous former classmates for the first time in decades. I started to write some things down when I stopped by their house in Portland on my way home. For whatever reason, I needed someone to hear my thoughts and listen to those words. She patiently sat in the front room as I expounded for the next hour or so. It may seem like a small thing, but it was tremendously important to me at the time. A perfect example of her unique ability to support.

Well, I obviously will miss the b-day. For the many-numbered consecutive year, I failed to send a card. But I want her to know how much she is loved and how important she is to all of us fortunate to call her family. In the vernacular of the times, she rocks!

I'm not Rick Reilly, but it's the best I can do.

Don't count the candles, just the sentiments.

MM